Renewed Resilience-Charge Up!
This past year has challenged many of us in so many ways. Digging deep to find that last bit of energy or stamina to keep going...whether it be staying connected, or staying positive or finding ways to muster hope seems impossible in an endless energy depleting situation. Many essential service workers, particularly those in healthcare, work tirelessly to provide care, say YES to another shift hoping there is light at the end of a very uncertain tunnel. Burnout is REAL. And the long term impact of burnout, exhaustion and depletion may take years to recover from.
Deep down, we know we need to take care of ourselves in order to care for others. However, taking care of ourselves is easier said than done. We are pulled in so many directions where we are needed and neglect the pathway of selfcare. The systems and structures at work are often not conducive to taking care of ourselves with a constant barrage of requests and situations to do more, work harder, work longer. Coupled with inherent empathy and compassion tendencies, caregivers and service providers swim an uphill stream to find that balance of caring for themselves with caring for others.
Health, vitality, well-being and caring for yourself, is ESSENTIAL.
Resilience is inherent in us. We just need to create the conditions for more resourceful states so we can live with more joy, ease and harmony. We need to adopt practices that foster a sense of hope, wholeness and connection. Seems simple enough.
How do we do that when we are near burnout, exhaustion and get that phone call to work another overtime shift?
How do you say NO to that extra shift when you need to?
How do you restore resilience? Not just bouncing back but moving through these challenging times with more joy, ease, compassion, connection, clarity and courage.
Renewing resilience happens when we honour our body, mind, heart and soul through practices that bring us awareness and connection to the moment: Breath, Movement, Reflection, Nature, Connection. Again, seems simple enough.
Given the right conditions, we have the ability to live with more joy, heal, recover, grow and thrive. Some of those conditions include:
balance of caring for others with caring for self,
approaching self care as a sustainable practice for body, mind, heart and soul,
valuing yourself truly, madly, deeply
finding the right support structures and community
knowing you are not alone
Self care has come to be known as an act of pampering self. While this may be one aspect of recharging, it is not the only means to renewing resilience.
In our Resilience Model, we view self care in three levels or depths. In each depth of self care, there are different drivers or motivations, benefits, costs, conversations we may with ourself and ways to support that level of self-care. All depths of self-care have merit and a ripple effect. Much like a car needs a charge to keep it going (electric car that is), we need an energy source to keep us healthy and live with vitality and joy.
Resilience Model- Renewal of energy, vitality and wellbeing
Think of self care as an energy source or charging station.
Self-care: the surface (physical body)
At this depth, self care is often depicted as facials, bubble baths, pedicures, glass of wine at the end of the day, etc. (all really lovely by the way)
What are the drivers for this level of self-care? Most of it is externally driven. We get to a point where we need a quick fix. We have reached a point when caring for ourself has often been at the expense of caring for others.
In our car metaphor, the energy source is like a Trickle Charger -- a little dose of energy to keep things charged for a bit, a good polish and clean windshield keeps it all shiny. The focus of self care-At the Surface is on the physical body, routine habits and temporary soothing of the emotional body.
The benefits of self-care at the surface::
Do something that feels good in the moment
Allows for a shift of focus
Rescue coping strategy
Brings awareness to physical body and needs
Engages the senses and reminds us about what it is like to be human and tender
Temporarily removes us from the stressor and allows for a break
Gives a ‘pause’ to reflect and notice a need for a deeper dive
Beginning of conscious choices and awareness of needs
The costs of self-care At the Surface:
Not sustainable
Not enough charge to care for others
Temporary escape (the cucumbers fall away)
Rapidly uses up vitality bucket
Underlying burnout, fatigue, exhaustion persist
Disconnection in unhealthy ways (avoidance or pretend)
Possible negative impact to others, life and self (relationships, finances, family, health if overindulging)
These may be some of the conversations you have with yourself when in need of some Selfcare- At The Surface depth:
“Me first” and Priority mentality
“I deserve this”
When I finish ‘x’, then I will deserve this
“Time for self-care sunday’
‘I’m taking a self-care day’
“I’m having a hiatus from life’
“I’m doing my self-care’
‘It’s not selfish to take care of myself’
Self care: The Deep Dive (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual)
The energy source at this depth of self care is like a Level 2 charger or Super Charger--we rely on some external sources to charge up more fully. It takes a bigger commitment but the results are worth it.
To reach this depth of selfcare, a deeper awareness and consciousness evolves to make choices that nurture and nourish from the inside, out. This awareness often requires an external energy source that creates ‘A-Ha’ moments. This may be a life changing event (planned or unplanned) or reaching a point in your life where you need to listen deeply to your body, mind, heart and soul and know that something has to change. It may involve working with a coach or a counselor or hearing some tender words from a trusted friend.
This depth of self care practice involves shifting behaviours and habits that nourish and nurture the body, mind, heart and soul. Fierce and loving self-compassion are essential, as are setting boundaries and limits. There is a balance of caring for self AND caring for others with energy and vitality. Life feels more harmonized.
The benefits of Selfcare- The Deep Dive include:
Able to fill joy bucket more readily and steadily
Adopt sustainable practices to nourish and nurture
Greater alignment with truer self that drive behaviours
Build connections with people, food, nature, and self
Live with purpose and meaning
Vitality and capacity to care for others
Engage in conscious conversations more readily
Enjoy relationships in a more connected way
Move through conflict more easily
Reduce exhaustion, burnout
There may be a few costs associated with the Deeper Dive:
Draws upon internal resources and capacity as increased awareness expands
Requires discipline and commitment
Readiness required --sometimes readiness is reaching rock bottom
May face discrepancies with friends
Risk of push back from others
People question your practices and may choose to distance from you
May feel like a solo journey
The conversations that you may have with yourself include:
“I matter”
‘I am enough’
‘I need and want to recharge so I can be there for others’
‘I want to have positive impact on others’
‘How can I role model behaviours I want to see’
‘What is my learning in this?’
‘How can I be compassionate with myself in this moment?’
‘What will nourish and nurture me?’
‘What will soothe my truer self?’
‘Am i crazy? Am I ready to release old patterns’
The practices that cultivate a sustainable selfcare practice often involve conscious and mindful living, meditation, yoga, creative pursuits, moving the body..in any way, emotional agility (Feel it to Heal It), surrender, acceptance, deep listening, release judgements, reflective practices, curiosity and creating peace with food. Learning practices at this level in a community of like-minded people with supportive facilitators help make this journey less lonely and more inspiring.
Self-Care: the Core
The energy source at the core is like solar power...endless and always available.
Self-care at the Core is fueled by our internal central sun- own energy, own light, own flame, and charge from within. At this depth of selfcare, we value self, and know we are worthy of love and belonging. Here, we experience the true essence of ourselves and bring our truest self to everything we do. We are motivated by love and belonging, hope and joy.
The benefits of self care-At the Core include:
Living with ease, joy and resilience
Enjoy vitality and aliveness of being
Mitigate exhaustion and burnout
Flow through emotions with ease--able to hold joy and distressing emotions simultaneously
A profound ripple effect that impacts others around you: families, partners,friends, colleagues, the community, the world
There may be costs to taking this deepest plunge:
May find that current situation no longer serves you..and may require shifts, transitions and change
Initially may be a lonely place to be
The conversations you may experience with yourself may include:
‘I am worthy of love and belonging’
‘I am part of something larger than myself’
‘I deserve to be treated with respect’
‘I accept myself just the way I am’
‘I am perfectly imperfect’
‘I am having an experience, I am not my experience’
‘I am not my story’
The work that may be required to support growth of self-worth include:
Inner work of childhood trauma or other sources of trauma
Deal with limiting beliefs and sabotage, Family of Origin work
Working with a trauma informed coach
Working with a counselor/therapist
Acts of Joy- conviction of what nourishes and nurtures self in the moment
Finding your tribe/community-like-minded people
By developing a sustainable self care practice, we enjoy a more harmonized, truest self. We balance the needs and care of self, with the needs and care of others. As a result we radiate and experience
Joy engage in play, laugh, love, aliveness
Ease move through tough times with more flow
Connection to self, others, creator, the world
Clarity guided by an inner knowing
Courage able to hold and cultivate brave space
Compassion both fierce and tender compassion with self and others
And who doesn’t want more joy, ease, connection, clarity, courage and compassion in their life?
Dori is the owner and founder of enso Learning, Retreats and Experiences. She is a Leadership and Trauma-informed Professional Coach, former RN, Healer, Kundalini Yoga Teacher and dog lover. She greets each day with a yoga and meditation practice, a cup of coffee and gratitude.