Emotional Agility: The Art of Notice, Name and Tame
In the intricate landscape of our inner world, emotions serve as powerful messengers, providing valuable insights into our thoughts, experiences, and reactions. Developing emotional intelligence involves the art of noticing, naming, and ultimately taming, or rather moving through our emotions. By understanding and working with our emotional landscape, we can cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness, navigate challenges more effectively, and foster healthier relationships.
Listen to the yearning of your heart
The Power of Noticing Emotions:
Noticing emotions is the first step toward building emotional intelligence. Our emotional development begins early in life. In these early years, we learn to express emotions in healthy ways, or learn that emotions are not to be shared. ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Pull up your big girl pants’. As we enter adulthood. these messages continue: ‘Be professional’ or ‘Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve’. As days unfold, we may overlook or suppress our emotions, allowing them to linger beneath the surface. Emotions are energy in motion and that energy needs to move. Taking a moment to pause and consciously observe how we feel is a transformative practice.
Mindful Awareness: Cultivating mindful awareness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. When an emotion arises, take a moment to acknowledge it without immediately reacting. This pause allows you to observe the emotion as an impartial observer, laying the foundation for greater self-awareness. When we pause and notice, we can begin to tap into the gift of the emotion, and yes, all emotions are gifts.
Physical Sensations: Emotions often manifest as physical sensations in the body. Notice any tension, tightness, or warmth associated with the emotion. Where do you feel it in your body? What is your heartrate doing? Connecting with these physical cues helps anchor the emotional experience in the present moment. One of the benefits of Kundalini yoga is that it helps develop awareness of our body and where our emotions reside in our body.
Notice the sensation and where you feel it in your body
The Art of Naming Emotions:
Once you've noticed the presence of an emotion, the next step is to name it. Giving words to your feelings provides a framework for understanding and processing them. This practice allows you to gain clarity and develop a more nuanced understanding of your emotional landscape.
Emotional Vocabulary: Cultivate an expansive emotional vocabulary to describe your feelings accurately. Instead of labeling an emotion simply as "good" or "bad," delve deeper. A great way to start is to actually remove the word ‘feel’ from your sentence. I am ….. (angry, frustrated, nervous, content, afraid, sad, mad, anxious, etc.). The more specific your vocabulary, the better you can navigate and communicate your emotions. A wee exercise to test your vocabulary: set a timer for 2 minutes. Write out as many words to describe emotions as you can. Review your list and remove any words like good, bad, or fine. Next remove any words that are thoughts. How many words did you come up with?
Journaling: Maintain a journal where you can regularly express and name your emotions. Writing provides a tangible record of your emotional journey and serves as a valuable tool for reflection and growth. As you name your emotions on paper, you create a narrative that enhances your self-awareness.
Journaling is a powerful tool to help gain more clarity on your internal experience
The Journey to Taming Emotions:
Taming emotions doesn't mean suppressing or dismissing them; rather, it involves responding to them with intention and wisdom. (I like ‘moving through’ but it doesn’t rhyme with Notice and Name). By cultivating emotional regulation techniques, you can navigate challenging situations with resilience and maintain healthier relationships.
Breathwork and Mindfulness: The breath is a powerful anchor that can be used to regulate emotions. Practice mindful breathing when faced with intense emotions. Inhale deeply, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly. This simple act calms the nervous system and provides a moment of clarity amid emotional turbulence. Bringing intention and attention to your breathing also gives you some time to de-escalate.
Pause and Reflect: Before reacting impulsively to a strong emotion, create a mental space by pausing and reflecting. Ask yourself what triggered the emotion and how you want to respond. This intentional pause allows you to choose a response aligned with your values rather than reacting based on the intensity of the emotion. What is the emotion trying to tell you? Each emotion has a message for us, and the more we listen, the more we can respond in an equanimous way.
Share and Seek Support: Taming emotions doesn't mean facing them alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a trusted confidant when you need support. Ideally, share them in the moment so others know what is going on with you. Sharing your emotions with others fosters connection and can provide valuable perspectives that contribute to emotional regulation. To help understand your emotional development, it may be worthwhile to seek the help from a counselor or coach. At our signature retreats, we help you develop a ‘renewal practice’ plan to help tame your emotions in a more effective way.
Care and compassion go a long way in taming emotions
The journey of notice, name, and tame is a dynamic and ongoing process. It requires a commitment to self-awareness, a willingness to explore the depths of your emotions, and the courage to respond intentionally. As you cultivate these skills, you empower yourself to navigate life's complexities with resilience and grace.
Embracing the art of notice, name, and tame not only enhances your emotional intelligence but also transforms the way you engage with the world. It lays the foundation for more meaningful connections, effective communication, and a deeper understanding of yourself. Remember, emotions are not adversaries; they are allies on the path to personal growth and well-being.
Dori Howard is a spaceholder for transformation. As a former RN, her kundalini yoga practice helps cultivate an equanimous state to deal with life’s curveballs and stressors. As a professional coach focusing on renewal practices, self-care and emotional agility, her kundalini yoga and meditation teachings integrate a holistic experience. She helps thousands of clients design their own personal renewal practice plan and toolkit so they too, have a path inward to a truer, calmer, more resilient self. She host retreats on Salt Spring Island and Yandara Retreat Centre in Baja Mexico
Dori Howard
Spaceholder for Transformation
Coach, Facilitator, Retreat Host, Speaker